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Monday, February 8th, 2010
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This is exactly what I love about Northern European house music. I've never come across this style in the US at the clubs...this song makes me want to dance eternally.
Seriously, listen to those minimalistic sex beats! I really recommend playing this song while you're getting ready to go out.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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This winter has been paralyzing. Seeing as it began last year mid-October, I honestly can't take it anymore. I feel like my apartment is my cave and I'm always hybernating. It's not enjoyable to go outside; the streets are full of slush and ice so you have to walk very slowly to not slip, and there's always the god damn wind from the North Sea slicing through you. Plus in order to go out of my door it means I've got to bundle up again - long underwear, three layers, and a huge parka jacket. I feel like I look the same everday; my winter jacket literally defines me as a person at this point. I'm really over it! Give me some more liveable weather soon!
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Saturday, February 6th, 2010
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Here are some photos I took a few years ago while home visiting my family in San Diego, CA.
View of the city (downtown being in the far distance) taken from Mt. Soledad, looking south. In the far, far distance you can see Mexico.
This is the nieghborhood I grew up in, La Jolla, CA. You can spot my house right below in this picture. It's got a light orange tiled roof, sort of hidden amongst a bunch of tall Eucalyptus trees (beside a big house with a very red-tiled roof).
Downtown La Jolla. It's so beautiful! And very Southern Europeanish, with lots of cute boutiques and upscale restaurants; it's all very walkable and French Riviera inspired.
"The Cove," a famous beach in La Jolla.
North La Jolla, aka, "The Shores," taken from Mt. Soledad
East of La Jolla taken from Mt. Soledad. This is where the suburbs start; in the distance that's University Town Center, where UCSD is based but also where a lot of the major chain stores are as well as corporate headquarters.
Hope you enjoyed :)
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Alex Meraz from Twilight is so hot. Not that I ever watched that movie or anything, I just googled my boyfriend's last name and this actor came up. I wouldn't be surprised if they're related, as Meraz is such an uncommon last name in Mexico and Mexicans have 24524809845982305 children anyway.
He's hot. Like if you guys wonder what my type is, there we go. A hot latin dude like him. And he's probably got a huge, swinging, uncut tool under there.
Excuse me for being vulgar, I just haven't had sex in 5 weeks.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Tuesday, February 2nd, 2010
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One of my favorite early 90's house songs is "Blue" by LaTour. I discovered the song while watching the club scene in "Basic Instinct" with Sharon Stone. Embarassingly enough, I've attempted to imitate her many times at the clubs because she looks so hot in this scene; her sexy look and naughty playfulness while on the dance floor. This has to be one of the most seductive and sensual dance beats I've heard in a long time.
The other song is "Rave the rhythm" by Channel X, which is played in the beginning of the scene when Michael Douglas is looking for Sharon Stone and when he finds her, she's doing a few lines of blow with her girlfriend. This song makes me feel hot too!
The full "Club Scene" from the movie. Sharon Stone is a goddess in this movie. An inspiration to every gay man out there haha. Sorry for the bad quality:
Find more videos like this on My Hollywood News
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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It really sickens me as well as breaks my heart in regards to the current situation in Mexico. The amount of violence that is occurring there is appaling. According to recent news, 14 students between the ages of 14-17 were mass murdered in their home in Juarez while simply watching a football game. Nobody has any clue as to why they were murdered, they were young teens who had no involvement within the drug cartel world.
How can people act to senseless and end innocent people's lives like that? It's so fucking terrible. I know first hand how bad the crime situation is in that country as my boyfriend is from Tijuana. His ex-boyfriend's 2 brothers were both shot and murdered on two seperate occaisions. What's the most sad is how resigned many Mexicans seem to the violence, like they've just given up on hope, especially in Tijuana. My best friend Luis' father was kidnapped and held at gunpoint (he is an upper-middle class real estate builder) by....the police, of course! Who were getting tips from cartel people. Luckily, his dad managed to convince them he was the wrong guy but they beat him up real bad but eventually let him go.
This kind of shit happens all the time in Mexico. Unfortunately the country is so corrupt I think the government will never be able to solve the issue.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, January 29th, 2010
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This song made me cry...it's so beautiful, I think perhaps one the most songs I've ever heard. Made me reflect so much on my life...the love I lost and found throughout my life.
The hot (and depressing) scene is below NSFW:
I discovered this song in the season 5 finale of Queer as Folk when Brian and Justin make love for the last time (which I think is the most beautiful love-making scene I've ever seen on TV).
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, January 28th, 2010
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We had an insane blizzard yesterday. I don't even remember any warning of it on the news, it just suddenly appeared and the whole city went bezerk. I skipped classes yesterday because of the gale force winds and the fact that the buses would be delayed, etc. When it's this cold outside I basically shut down and hybernate. It certainly was hyggeligt though...I've always loved the snow, it's something special to me. Probably because I grew up in a climate that has a 5C temperature fluctuation from winter and summer, so Southern California was a little boring in that regard. I lit a bunch of candles and made a really healthy vegetable soup to get my immune system up, as well as drank tons of green tea (can't get enough of that stuff).
This winter, as cold as its been, has been much cosier than the past few years because we're actually experiencing a true Scandinavian winter for once and there's been a lot of snow cover since mid-December. I can remember winter 2006 clearly though, it was the most snowy year ever in decades; I hope we have the same this year. For some reason I find it much more bearable having snow than freezing rain, after all when it's just dark and rainy everything just seems more dull and depressing. The snow brightens things up more.
Changing subjects, I really feel bad for sounding so negative about Denmark lately. It all has less to do with Denmark, and more me just being out and out homesick. Basically my parents divorced a couple of years ago and everything changed. My family split apart completely, and I couldn't be there for my family and I felt detached. When I broke up with Anders (my ex Danish boyfriend), I basically was on my own living in Copenhagen. That changed everything. It's one thing to live in a "foreign" (I'm not sure if that's the appropriate word to use) country if you have a partner, someone to provide you with structure and emotional stability (I could always rely on him to help me with certain things or spend time with his family), but to live completely on your own without any family around can be challenging. My homesickness has only been exasperated by Zach (my best friend here in Denmark ever since I moved to the country) now having a boyfriend he lives with and Andres having moved down to Nykøbing. It often feels like now that Zach finally found love, everyone else is less important; Zach is obsessed with the idea of love. He literally spends every waking minute with his boyfriend, and I feel in some ways forgotten. I always made sure to allocate time for him when I was with Anders, if I didn't I'd get so much shit for it. But Zach functions on a one way train of thought, he doesn't get how hypocritical and selfish he can me. Anyways, they used to be like family to me, we'd spend the night at eachother's flats several nights a week. I never really was alone. But now I often am, and it can obviously be a really unpleasant experience at times.
On the other hand, it's also been healthy for me to grow up and learn to be so independent. Never in my life have I been so self sufficient. I've learned so many lessons about being prudent with money, being on a budget (no more splurging on cabs and clothes), taking care of my apartment and making my own meals (as opposed to buying takeaway all the time). When at one time spending night after night by myself was horrifying, I've learned to deal with just being by myself, instead of panicking, or feeling like I'm dissapearing into an abyss of depression. I rarely get sad being alone anymore. At the same time it's so wonderful that I have Alan waiting for me on the side. It aches so bad when we are a part but when we're together, it's bliss. We connect so well together; sometimes I wonder if he could be one of my soulmates in life. He's such a good person....he makes me feel at peace, calmer. He slows me down and makes me appreciate certain things in life that I tend to overlook and deprioritize (family and school, for example).
Denmark will always be special to me, I do love it here. I guess it's just that I'd been denying to myself for a long time that I was missing home and refusing to accept the fact that the US would probably be better for me school and career wise. I don't mean to offend anybody, but life in Copenhagen (after you've lived here for a long time) gradually becomes more repetitive and you see the same people all the time, its the same bars/clubs, the same sights, etc. It's not a negative thing, just reality. Copenhagen is a different place for me today than when I came here at 16.
During the first few years I lived here, anything and everything American I vehemently rejected and criticized. It all stemmed from the fact that I was stubborn and didn't want to - in a sense - "give up" on living the Danish/European dream. But by doing that I over complicated so much in my life and made certain processes such as getting into an education a complete circus. Life can't be all about friends, traveling, and fun. Life can't always give you what you want (aka demand). We sometimes have to make sacrifices, and I wasn't willing to face or accept that. There comes a time in life where you have to bite the bullet and take the path that is bumpier and less exciting, but in the long run a path that will benefit you.
Furthermore, being in California so much this past year and half made me realize how much I love my home state, and how much I took it for granted when I grew up there. Going back and forth between these two countries has been a never ending culture shock/reverse culture shock, and maybe a bit unhealthy as well. I still can't seem to tolerate the fact that EVERYTHING IN THIS COUNTRY IS SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE! Normal things that people do in the US, like going to the cinema, eating out at exotic restaurants (that barely cost anything) or even simply grabbing cocktails with friends on a weeknight (cocktails here often cost up to 20 dollars, and there's barely any alcohol in them) are prohibitevely expensive. So at times yes, I get frustrated and feel limited in Copenhagen...people don't do a whole hell of a lot here Sun-Thu and it can get really boring, especially in the winter months.
I understand it's because of the high wages and the welfare state...and while I know it's probably a good thing in the long run, it's nevertheless obnoxious to have to spend a minimum of 30 dollars on doing any activity that involves some kind of indulgence. Buying a coffee at a café or getting a bagel from a sandwhich place are all little luxuries that in America people have daily. A coffee and a bagel together is easily over 10 dollars....and for a student, I can't help but bitch! / cool story bro
The US is a wonderful country in so many ways, and I've accepted the fact that in some areas I'm undeniably American; it was just that when I left the country I hated it because of how I was treated as a teenager and how opposite Denmark felt in comparison (liberating for a gay 16 year old, tolerant, accepting, etc). I've accepted the fact that I just am, and tyring to re-invent myself or label myself will never work for me. There is no more need for me to live and act 100% Danish, to perfect my accent, "appear" more Scandinavian etc., because I don't doubt that I am Danish now. I don't struggle with an identity crisis anymore; there's no need for me to prove myself to others. I know what I am. Essentially I've simply learned to embrace the diversity of the culture, faults, negatives/positives, everything of both nations - America will never be Europe and vice versa. And while some people might read this and think, "wtf is the big deal here?" it was for me. Identity for me has always been an issue.
BL: Point is, I've learned a lot about myself and life these past 2 years. I wrote all of this to sort of give a background explanation to some of the negativity about Denmark, life, school, etc., I've been spewing out on this journal, as well as to provide insight as to why I've been through so many changes where it looks like I can't keep focused on one thing.
In many ways I've really grown up. But my God is there a hell of a lot of growing up left to do...
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, January 24th, 2010
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Wow....
I've never felt anything like this...
That's all I can say...
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Comments: Read 1 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, January 20th, 2010
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Oh my God, today was one of those days that started out generic, and turned into an amazing day after all.
1.) I love my father incredibly much. He did the biggest surprise favor for me ever. I was almost in tears when he told me what he did for me. I'm so lucky to have the parents I have. A huge burden has now been taken off my back.
2.) I have two new teachers, one for marketing and supply chain management. They're really good and I'm finally learning something at my school. I'm extremely relieved that we've gotten new teachers this semester because they were terrible before. My class and I feel light years more motivated now.
3.) I have chosen to remain completely sober from anything for the next 4 weeks. Need a detox, and I feel great. In addition, I've been very good at making home meals 3x a day again. No more take out for me and spending shitloads of money on food. I've learned to get creative and so far for the last week I've been pretty good at being frugal .
4.) My mom agreed to paying half of my flight tickets to go to San Francisco for winter vacation (in Denmark students receive a week off in February and another in April). That way the other half I can split between Alan and I.
Alan is moving to the Mission District on the 1st of February so I can't wait to see him in his new place.
5.) I spoke to the admissions guy at ~Teh Dream University~ and he totally remembered me from meeting me a few weeks ago and he was so much more warm and personal on the phone this time, which leads me to believe that I made a good impression! I was sure to chat him up politely and sound as humble as possible. He received the application and all the documents and even wanted to meet my family in February. That stress has been alleviated as well now. All he needs are the damn transcripts from this last semester now. But luckily he said I could just hand those into him in hand when he sees me.
I love how non-fucking-bureaucratic private Universities are. I mean all of this in contrast to a state school (or even my Danish school) is so wishy washy. You might be paying up the ass for them, but my God do they know service and you're not treated like a number.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, January 18th, 2010
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Today was a cold winter day and I thought I'd post some pictures of the view I have from my place. I have to admit, it does feel cosy with the snow outside, and there is no wind today so it actually doesn't feel too freezing.
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Comments: Read 3 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, January 15th, 2010
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I think I'm really getting affected by this winter weather. It's so cold outside that I've got no will to step out of my door. With every blast of wind it feel like a knife slicing through me. Even worse, I just looked at the weather forecast for the next week and the highs are set to remain at 32F (OC) and below. In other words, not a degree over freezing.
I feel depressed today because not only do I miss my boyfriend, but I feel really lonely. It's hard to go from fun, family and friends every day (referring to christmas vacation in California) to being cold, lonely and isolated (I live alone). My best friend Zach and I used to spend all of our time together but now that he lives with Michael (his boyfriend) he's just always occupied with him. Receiving a phone call from him is practically a cause for celebration and yet when he does have time to hang out, it's very limited and rushed. And with regards to Andres, he's really busy with medical school and exams. I've got many other friends but in Denmark people generally don't hang out in the weekdays so I spend much of the time by myself.
I guess the biggest factor of what's getting me down is the probability of me not getting into the University of my dreams. My current school is so incompetent and after having missed my first marketing exam due to being caught in a snowstorm in London on my way back from the US, I have to retake it in 3 weeks but the deadline for my application was yesterday. The admissions guy from the University said I could send my transcripts in once I received my grades but that will probably take a month, meaning that it could be too late. I'm not sure how I feel about how I performed with these last exams. And I know that Niels Brock probably doesn't have a real transcript paper like one would have in the US (my school doesn't expect that students will sporadically transfer to American Universities in their first year). I just feel so overwhelmed.
I feel trapped here. I want to move back home so bad.
Will people laugh behind my back if I don't get in? And if my grades aren't that good from these exams, what will I do then? I'll have to go to community college or something...it'd be one more fucking twist in my life.
I want to go to that school so bad. I wrote my college essay but now I'm scared it isn't good enough, I keep obsessing about things I should've added or taken out.
Sorry...I've just got so much on my mind right now. I don't want to sound negative but the issues mentioned are only a few of what's going in my life. There's issues with my finances, family and state of mind right now.
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Comments: Read 6 or Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, January 13th, 2010
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There is so much pain and suffering in this world. I hate having to see people suffer like this...I see the desperation in their faces on these news clips. Can you imagine your entire city in complete and utter shambles, thousands of dead bodies (probably many people you know) scattered everywhere? Children who have just lost their parents wandering the streets aimlessly lost and scared? I feel so sad for the people of Haiti. Why are some people so incredibly lucky in life, while others aren't at all?
We have it fucking good. I am going to donate money to this, it's too much to watch. They predict the death toll could rise as much as 300,000, and given they're the poorest nation in the western hemisphere with no basic infrastructure or government (the royal palace is completely obliterated), they're probably not going to get much aid anytime soon.
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Comments: Read 4 or Add Your Own.
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My sexy boyfriend sent me a text this morning from San Francisco with a picture of him in his new suit.
I love my latin boy...miss him too.
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Sunday, January 10th, 2010
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1.) Lady Gaga's new album is SUPERB...really, I can't stop lsitening to it. "Monster" and "So happy I could die" and lastly "Alejandro" are my favorite tracks. I love that she's bringing electronic to the American mainstream
2.) I LOVE ADDERALL omg I can't believe I just recently discovered the joys of it
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Comments: Read 7 or Add Your Own.
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Friday, January 8th, 2010
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Almost a month since I last update. Wow...I've been so bad at writing about what's going on in my life this year. I've simply...just not had it in me as much to write. I find it interesting how, as one becomes older (or at least just me in this case), you feel less of a need to confide secretly about your feelings in a journal, and are more comfortable about expressing your frustrations/thoughts/etc. towards other human beings. I guess that's only a good thing, although I must say I do miss having my little refuge here.
So, here's a list of things which have transpired over the last month:
-Alan came to visit me in Copenhagen for 9 days during the beginning of December
-I quit my job in retail as it was clashing way too much with my school scheduale and they were taking advantage of me
-I went to California for 3 weeks for winter vacation, and it was wonderful! I love, love, love California so much. Being 21 especially, things are just so different. The nightlife in San Diego is so much fun, and now that all of my old chilhood friends are of age there was always a bad or club to check out and experience. Going out in California is an experience, not a binge fest like it is in Scandinavia. I've realized just how...sorry...boring it is to go out here in comparison. 1.) The drinks here are always ridiculously expensive, 2.) The venues are always old and for the most part, passé, but most importantly 3.) people don't mingle with strangers here in Denmark. When you go out, nobody socializes outside their circle and people are just overall much more pretentious. Honestly, the clubs I've been to in CA are aesthetically beautiful, and every fucking night of the week, there's something going on. You always meet some new cool people and exchange numbers or network and build contacts. I don't get how people in San Diego have jobs or responsibilities...clubbing on weeknights would never fly anywhere in Scandinavia.
-During vacation it was so nice being with Alan and my old friends. I stocked up on my Mexican breakfasts (corn tamales etc.) and sushi dinners as well as everything else you can't get here.
-Many dinner parties were held.
-The weather was great, warm and sunny nearly every day.
-Had a hot 3some with Emilio and Alan.
-Went to Las Vegas for New Years with 2 of my Danish friends, Emilio, Alan, Luis and Fernando and Emilio's date, John.
-Studied a lot for my exams.
-Fought a lot with my parents over a variety of issues.
-Again, I partied. A lot.
-Bonded with my brother (for the first time in years) and his girlfriend.
-Spent my last day in the US in San Francisco visiting my dream University and went to the admissions office where I introduced myself and explored the campus. Meandered around the city's many different vibrant neighborhoods with longtime LJ friend, Jori, who I met finally for the first time.
-Got stuck in London Heathrow due to blizzards, it was terrible.
Bottom line: A chapter in my life has been closing for a while now. I'm moving back to California by next summer. It's wierd saying it...but I am. Regardless of whether I get into any university as a transfer, I just miss it too much. My heart has been yearning to come home for the longest time now, and it's about time I listen to my inner voice and head on back. But it will be to San Francisco, of course. I'm completely infatuated with that city.
I've been home since yesterday after the most tumultous trip home from CA due to the big freeze over Europe. I ended up missing my first exam and I have to retake it next week. I must say, despite this intense, frigid cold, the snow is very beautiful. I had my Economics/Accounting exam today and it went pretty decent. I think I did very well for the Economics part but the Accounting was so-so. Either way, I definitely did not fail so that's a great thing. Right now my focus is to do very well on these exams so I can transfer my ass to the school of my dreams.
Anyway, here is a tour of some of the places I hung out at night in San Diego (nightclubs/bars):
Hillcrest, the Gay district where all the bars, clubs, funky restaurants and cute boutiques are located
Rich's, the main dance club we always went to...lots of hot guys and good house music (although house here in the US isn't really my style, sounds like the cheezy Queer as Folk music you always heard at Babylon). It's a big warehouse style club. Best and most popular nights are Wendsday nights, where they have the strip contest:
Universal, the more posh Gay club/lounge across the street from Rich's. A bit more expensive and stylish, but I loved to come here to socialize outside on the terrace near the fire pits and the decor is just very classy, you always met interesting people here (a lot of straight people came here for the atmosphere):
Outdoor area
We actually had our own table on one of those couches for NYE 08-09
The Hole...which is literally a hole. A very popular gay dive bar (very old, stems back from when it was known as a "secret handshake bar" for local closested navy/military men in the 70s) in Point Loma that has a great blend of all sorts of gay people, from young to old. Monday nights are the most popular where Ophelia, a drag queen, does a hilarious stand up show and conducts a strip contest with several hopeful contestants.
Stingaree, by far my most favorite straight nightclub; I love the rooftop cabanna area:
Yes...only in Southern California would have of the club be outdoors
Lastly, Voyeur nightclub, amazing house music and lights billboards inside the club with people dancing inside the boxes.
The Brass Rail, best place on 80 cent Tuedays (yes...very strong cocktails are made for 80 cents only! 80's music abounds)
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Sunday, December 13th, 2009
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A street in my neighborhood, Alan below
Rådhuspladsen
Main throughfare of my neighborhood at 3am
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Comments: Read 5 or Add Your Own.
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Monday, December 7th, 2009
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North Beach, San Francisco
South of Market District, San Francisco
Central Tokyo by night
Cairo, Egypt
Old architecture on Newbury Street, Boston, Massachussets
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Comments: Read 2 or Add Your Own.
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Thursday, December 3rd, 2009
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I'm way too cluttered with thoughts right now...I'm ruminating about everything and it's driving me nuts!
I've got way too many desires and wishes and bjfæasdfjæskdf....I need to pull myself together and just focus on one thing at a time.
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Comments: Add Your Own.
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Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009
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destroycreate's journal
